Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I am camera-less for a while, but for those important days like Alayna's 8 month birthday I'll be borrowing a camera. I miss is, but it is in much need to be fixed. Let's just hope they do fix it!

I would be devastated to lose all the picture and video I have of all the children. Do you ever fear you'll lose your memory? I am NOT saying literally lose your memory, but more like lose your memory of all the little things that your children have done to make you laugh until you cry, or maybe just made you cry. Or what if you lost the memories that are the sweetest, that melt your heart?
This is my fear, fear of forgetting. I have been thinking of writing this post now for a few days, but I wasn't sure I would know what to say or find the words to explain how it makes me feel.

God walks through everything with us, especially our fears. And during my prayers/conversations about fear of losing memory He has spoken to me and given me peace.
Psalms 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

God reminded me that I am the one who holds all the memories, maybe not in my brain where I can quickly recall them, but they are built up in my heart, they are in my DNA. These memories are who I am. They cannot be taken away from me.

If I do forget that night I tucked Preston in when he was just over two years old and he couldn't stop kissing all over my face, then that's ok because those kisses made me a better mom.

When Alayna was 5 months old and having a grump night, Aaron handed her to me and she laid her head on my shoulder and within a few minutes she was asleep. My heart was out of my body and in heave, no joke! If I forget that moment, that's ok because the moment my heart melted, it took a new formation.

And the memory I have of Taylynn when she was almost 16 months old and we were slow dancing in her room while Preston was in my belly(due to be out in a matter of days). We danced, sang and I cried. I didn't know then, but that is one of my finest memories. Those moments are beautiful and because of them, I am who I am.

I am so thankful to the Lord that He has blessed me with memory. It's something we expect to have, but He can quickly take it away from us.

I am also thankful for the memory I have as a child. Those have also made me who I am and even though I can't even remember all of my childhood, it's running through my blood and I am the mom I am today because of the child my parents raised.

This is a reminder everyday that even though our children probably won't remember much from 5 and under, they are being formed and molded and we are creating the parents they will one day be.



  1. Caroline, you had said it so well and you are right, just like the scripture says that Mary treasured all the things about Jesus in her heart. There, they can never be taken away. You are such a great mom and I marvel at your spiritual growth and thank God that He is walking so close beside you and guiding you. You have learned well from your loving parents and they and I are so proud of the person you have become. Linda

  2. Wow! You continue to amaze me and comfort me. I too not only feared but now experience not remembering so many joys and blessings. You put it so well and your words must be heavenly inspired that are real memories are deeply embedded and make us who we are and are becoming. There is so much I never wanted to forget and now details cloud the memory. I am comforted at your words that the memory may now be intact but the effects are eternal. I love you so much and I am thankful to be part of you.